The Girl No One Wanted: Revisited

On Mondays, we pray that God would move mountains and give the gift of marriage to those who desire it. We ask God to redeem to hardened, broken shards of our hearts–reforming them and softening them as chosen, beloved women of God. We ask God to raise up a generation of men to walk in the light of His holiness and into relationships with women.

I haven’t been on a date in a long time. I wrote this FastPray post almost a year ago, and not much has changed since then–except that I’m a year older–tiptoeing to the edge of thirty. When people ask if there’s anything happening in the romance department, I dread it. I’d rather throw the conversation to my job–which I love and is newsworthy. My dating life. There’s not really any news to speak of, and there hasn’t been for quite a while.

If you’re in a circle of single gals–who are single but do go on dates, it’s hard not to feel like a third-class citizen. Married people being first class with the champagne and chocolate-covered strawberries. (Delusional much?) Single but dating or getting asked out–although not being married seem to be closer than me–I mentally slot them in at second class. Me. I’m totally unpicked. No, one wants my digits or to take me to Ethiopian food. I try to be “pickable,” but despite my best efforts, I’m unchosen. No one even wants to go out with me once–much less marry me. I’m really good at hiding the fact that it bothers me. It’s easy to use humor to shield myself or my listening skills to constantly direct conversations away from any pin-pricks.

I’m thankful–so thankful, that God can’t be conversationally out-maneuvered. He enjoys humor but sees through my deflector shields. He uses the most unassuming, humbling, simple words to let me know that He sees me. He loves me. He’s chosen me. They come from the beautifully written, elegantly summarized, Jesus Storybook Bible. One of my favorite stories, The Girl No One Wanted, starts off this way:

There were once two sisters. The youngest sister was very beautiful and her name was Rachel. But, the oldest sister wasn’t beautiful at all (some thought her quite ugly), and her name was Leah.

Rachel was the kind of girl who always gets invited to parties and chosen for the team. Everyone loved her. And poor Leah? No one hardly even noticed her.

If you’re familiar with Genesis chapters 29-30, you’ll immediately recognize the story of two sisters who both married a man named Jacob. (That unlikely, tricky guy that God had chosen to be in the lineage of Christ or as the JSB puts it, “to rescue the whole world.”) Jacob was “jacob-ed” into marrying Leah, the ugly one, but he always loved Rachel best. Leah felt hideous and unloved. I really identify with her. The story continues:

But God didn’t think she was ugly. And when he saw that Leah was not loved and that no one wanted her, God chose her–to love her specially, to give her a very important job. One day, God was going to rescue the whole world–through Leah’s family.

Now, when Leah knew that God loved her, in her heart, suddenly it didn’t matter anymore whether her husband loved her the best, or if she was the prettiest. Someone had chosen her, someone did love her–with a Never Stopping, Never Giving Up. Unbreaking, Always and Forever Love.

So, when Leah had a baby boy she called him Judah, which means, “This time I will praise the Lord!” And, that’s just what she did.

I’m not sure what exactly it is about those words that bring me to tears when I read them, but they do. God has loved me with an everlasting, steadfast, rich, great love. (Jeremiah 31:1. Psalm 103. Ephesians 1-2.)

I get so caught up in the theological jargon, in my Bible reading plans, in worrying about singleness, and in the cultural mess surrounding praying for marriage that I miss the sheer wonder of the the fact that despite the difficulties of my unchosen life–God loves us with a “Never Stopping, Never Giving Up, Unbreaking, Always and Forever Love.”

My prayer is that you feel the warmth of that love as you pray this week.

Anna

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18 Responses to The Girl No One Wanted: Revisited

  1. Heather says:

    Dear Anna, thank you for these words. I don’t know you, but I’ve felt a little concerned reading your posts this last year. You seem pretty down on yourself. I have been in a pretty serious “singleness rut” before and I hear echoes of my thoughts and feelings from that time in your words.
    I don’t see counseling mentioned much on this blog. I just wanted to remind all the ladies out there that counseling can be a great resource when your circumstances are eroding happiness and hopefulness from your life. Situational depression is a real condition, and it can be just as problematic as other types of depression. Whether you hear truth in these words and decide to seek counseling or not, take care of yourself!

    • fast. pray. says:

      Hi Heather! Thanks for the feedback. Many of us either have been in counseling or are currently. I think counseling is a great resource for us in unexpected life circumstances. Even though I’ve not been on a date in a while, I actually don’t feel all that bad about it, but when I came across that story in the Jesus Storybook Bible, it resonated just with me.The title of the story would be better written as The Girl God Loved–which is how I felt by the end of reading the story. 🙂 – Anna

  2. Rebekah says:

    Will pray for you and other ladies on Fast-Pray who are feeling this way. I’ve been there, too, for many years. This past year, I met a godly guy and we just married in Oct (which is just shy of my 34th birthday). He sees (and likes!) many of the things that other guys cited as reasons I wasn’t what they were looking for.
    I know that we don’t know God’s timing and plans for each lady. Still, I hoped it could encourage some of you that even if you’ve never met a guy who understood you and really appreciated you- that doesn’t mean God can’t bring that person into your life. I’m totally amazed!

  3. M says:

    “Like” this post!

    Apart from a blind date my colleague set me up on, with a man who is non Christian and I’m not the least attracted to (or him to me), I haven’t had the least inkling of a romantic life since my ex-boyfriend broke up with me a year ago.

    When I was going through the utter devastation of breaking up (I found breaking up in my 30s much more painful than when I was in my 20s even though that was also very hard to get through), I tried to make myself feel better by trusting that God loves me, has a good plan for me and that he would provide someone new for me who is “BETTER” than my ex boyfriend.

    But nothing has happened. My church has no single men, I volunteered to lead an 8 week Bible course and I was placed in charge of … a women’s group. Everytime I have a social event I hope and wonder if I might meet someone but I haven’t met anyone. Not even someone I’m attracted to, who isn’t interested in me. Nothing.

    Its so discouraging and it doesn’t help that I still think about my ex-boyfriend all the time. The face of my loneliness has changed over this past year and is not actually getting any better. I have friends but nobody to really open up to.

    So thank you for your post. I just hope and pray along with all of you, that God will bless us with marriage as we continue to wait on Him and Him alone for this blessing.

  4. RLynn says:

    I attended an evening for women at my church last Saturday night (all women, married, never married, divorced, widowed…the youngest was a 20 year who is getting ready to go into the Navy) on “Reclaiming Eve”…and it was all about not being _____enough. The scripture the speaker used was the story of Leah and Rachel. God must be speaking to me to hear it again. Thanks.

  5. Laura says:

    Anna, I like the Bible version you used & how it really pointed to the fact the Leah really wasn’t unlovely in God’s eyes, and that He chose her to be the start of the royal line! Very uplifting insights indeed!!! Thanks for sharing 🙂

    But what keeps getting to me in so many “fast.pray” posts (including this one, sorry) is this general feeling of disenfranchisement & being unlooked-for and/or undesired. And I can’t help but asking, “what are you girls DOING about that?!?” (besides blogging!)

    I’m 37 and have read all the churchy literature about being this awesome godly girl who will somehow attract a guy by all her godliness, and how to “court, not date,” but I can tell you that it rarely (if ever) worked — even among Christian guys! Instead, if I ever got asked out, it was ’cause the guy thought I was cute, or funny, or had things in common. But as I got older and found myself moving around for work, this happened less and less. Then someone recommended a GREAT (Christian) book called, “How to Get A Date Worth Keeping.” Which was written by one of the “Boundaries in Dating” authors, by the way. Ya know what? That book rattled my God-will-magically-bring-you-a-guy perspective, AND has gotten me out of my godly-Christian-girl-that-nobody-wants pity-parties. And GET THIS: has gotten me quite a few dates….more in the last year than in the previous 5!

    Why not give it a try? You’ve got nothing to lose, you’re younger than me anyhow and have lots more “youthfulness” left, and PLUS one of your fellow fast.pray bloggers (Heidi) recommended it (see her post on “How to Be A Good Dater”…she’s married now, do her advice is solid).

    I wish you (and all the other fast.pray girls out there) the very best…but don’t just blog about what’s not working — DO something about it! You’ll be glad you did! 🙂

    • Laura says:

      Pls excuse the typos! O_o

    • fast. pray. says:

      I’ve heard of that book, and it seems to be full of great ideas! Thanks for the feedback!

      • Neelam says:

        Thanks for the heads up about the book. Started reading it this wknd. It’s fabulous. And I agree Heidi’s advice on how to be a good dater is fantastic. As was Anne’s about giving back at 75%. . . still learning that one. And asking God to be my dating coach.

        Thank you to all of you who write (or have written) for this blog, those who comment, and those who fast and pray. It’s been an exciting and at times soul-wrenching journey, but am very thankful for the changes God is making in me.

        Love you gals.

  6. Maria says:

    Thank you for this beautiful post. It is exactly how I feel as I too am completely and utterly unpickable. Your post was very encouraging.

  7. lwinzarni says:

    Thank you for this post. Just what I needed to hear that it doesn’t matter anymore about being unchosen because God has loved me with an everlasting love.

    • fast. pray. says:

      He does love us that way, and I know it’s not always easy to believe it–but for some reason when I read it from words that were meant for children– it just becomes so much more real to me. –Anna

  8. Sheila says:

    Thank you so much for this post. It mirrors exactly my emotions the past few days. Thankful for you and for God’s amazing love. Through all this I keep sensing Him to have me find my value in Him. Your post encourages me to do just that 🙂

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