We fast and pray together, asking God to raise up godly men, to change our hearts to make us more like Christ, and to bring marriage to those who desire it.
Everyone seems to have an opinion on what singles should do to find a spouse:
- You’ll find someone when you stop looking/are content in your singleness.
- You should get a boyfriend/girlfriend. (Like you could just go get one at a store.)
- Just be yourself.
- You just have to put yourself out there more.
- You should go on eHarmony/match.com/Christian mingle. I know x number of friends who’ve found someone that way.
- Stop being so picky!
- Visit other churches and ask about the singles scene.
- Move to a new city.
- Wear bigger and flashier earrings (suggested to me by my hairdresser).
- Don’t be so confident. You’ll scare the boys away.
I’ve had this conversation with my single friends countless times – there’s not a series of sure-fire things to do to find a spouse and no “I’m ready!” aha moment when we have reached the peak of marriage-readiness.
My mom used to say, “Different things for different kids at different times,” when I complained about a privilege one of my sisters got. In the moment, that wasn’t what I wanted to hear, but when my turn came for something special, I begrudgingly realized that she had been right.
I try to keep Mom’s words of wisdom in my mind when I hear that my former high school students are getting married, when someone gives relationship advice like that listed above, and even when my married friends declare their envy of my freedom. What “worked” for them to find their spouse isn’t what God planned to work for me. His timeline for me is different from my friends who are a marriage and three kids ahead of me.
As we fast and pray, let’s remember that those of us who are single later in life aren’t the ones who missed the five easy steps to marriage or who were chosen last to be on the married team. As hard as it can sometimes be to comprehend this truth, remember that as long as we are living in obedience to His Word, we are in His plan (Psalm 139: 15-16) and were “chose[n] in Him before the foundation of the world” (Ephesians 1:4).
Trusting His timing and plan with you,