Live in Freedom. Take Heart.

Reminder: On Mondays, we’re fasting and praying. We’re asking God to move and bring about marriage for those who desire it. In our prayers, we praying for God embolden men to be leaders: in churches, homes, and relationships. We are also asking that the Holy Spirit would be working in the hearts of women to soften their hearts and transform them into the image of Christ.

Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.
2 Corinthians 3:17

I’m not going to lie. Not to you, and I’m pretty sure what I’m about to tell you… you already know. I spend a lot of time thinking about when I might actually meet a guy who might notice me.

I had a chance to meet a new guy last week at a Bible study. My friend said he was really nice, and when I met him, he seemed like a pretty nice guy, but as often is the case, he’s already got his eye on someone else.

Year after year.  Month after month. Day after day. It gets hard to not just be super cynical, but thankfully, God hasn’t abandoned my heart or yours to Satan’s favorite standby for single women everywhere—bitterness. Jesus offers us something else.


2 Corinthians says that where the Spirit of the Lord is… there’s freedom. If you know Christ, you’ve got His Spirit, and so, you are free. As I let that truth seep into the cracks and crevices of my wounded heart, I was struck by the powerful reality of that freedom.

I don’t know about you, but when some well-meaning person comments on my singleness, they always point to my “freedom” as this great virtue. “You can travel. You can take a pottery class. You can drive a hot, 2-seater convertible because you don’t have to carry a diaper bag and giant multi-baby stroller.”

To me, and to many of you, that version of “freedom” really just means alone. I come home alone. I make dinner alone. I have to plan my own birthday celebrations. I sleep alone. Thankfully, in God’s economy, freedom doesn’t mean alone.

Freedom in Christ means:

You are free from sin, from addiction, from guilt, and death. Obvious, but true. His blood has paid the price for this ultimate freedom.

You are free from the court of public opinion. Let’s get real for a second. Christians and non-Christians alike judge the unattached. Christians judge unmarried women as somehow being deficient or lacking some essential quality. Non-Christians judge you for not having sex. But, in Christ, you are free from judgment. Jesus approves of you because you’re His, and He is happy with you. He thinks you’re fantastic, even while disciplining you.

You are free from cultural pressure. You are free from both sides of the cultural war. You are free from familial expectations to marry (and have babies), and you’re free from the feminist ideal of careerism. You may feel some level of shame before your family about your marital status. Maybe your extended family asks you about it whenever you see them or maybe they’ve stopped asking because they think it’s hopeless.  You also don’t have to be career-driven or obsessed about climbing some ladder laid out before you.

Christ has paved the way for your peace and contentment. Own your freedom from expectations, and instead, live in light of the grace He extends to you.

Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.  For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For, what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.
2 Corinthians 4:16-18

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16 Responses to Live in Freedom. Take Heart.

  1. Pingback: Freedom on Valentine's DaySingle Matters Magazine

  2. Jacqueline says:

    This entry has been so insightful. I shared the wisdom with a few of my friends…thank you for bearing your heart and encouraging mine

  3. Theresa says:

    I do want to be married someday, but I love my freedom. I hope I am flexible enough to make room in my life for another person when the time comes. I love my privacy, so it will be an adjustment, but I do miss having a best friend. It’s been a few years since my last long term relationship. But I love my freedom. I appreciate it more now.

  4. Melody says:

    Hi Anna!

    This post is great and relates to something I’ve been thinking about for the past few years. Being a single woman all my life, it was hard to swallow the whole “life starts when you marry” or “you are not fully yourself without a husband”. As others have said, I long for a husband and I honestly don’t know if that will happen. However, there has been a shift in my church congregation (when you talk about being free from public opinion). There is need for single people as there is for grandparents, young families, and married couples. I’ve been exploring this option of how do I live a full life in this community as a single person. It would be lovely to have a husband but it has been valuable for me to explore these other options and help others and myself realize that life HAS started for us single people and we are valuable in this congregation/community as we are. There is so much pressure on marital status (and celebration), this is something we are trying to change.

  5. Daniela says:

    “Christ has paved the way for your peace and contentment. Own your freedom from expectations, and instead, live in light of the grace He extends to you.”

    Thank you so much for this post Anna! I’m so thankful that my (non-Christian) family members haven’t put any pressure on me concerning marriage. The same applies to most of my brothers and sisters within my church. Indeed, there is a pressure – especially within the church. I don’t think it’s only the case in my denomination that they consider it a “must” in life to start a family at some point. But this is not the only true and valid calling for a woman! Especially in this time and age, I have strong doubts whether it is really a wise decision to have offspring. Of course, there are godly families and godly children, who give a great testimony to the world. But that’s not everybodies’ mission field! I’m so thankful that I have found peace and contentment in the tasks the Lord has given me at my (secular) work place, as well as at my local church, plus the ministry in my home country I’m involved with. In fact, there would be no room for children at this point! Then my primary mission field would be my family, as I’m convinced that a professional and a family life is just not compatible. But it’s just not an option for me anymore!

    But of course, I’m still longing for a husband. Unlike you, I have met a nice guy who does NOT seem to be interested in any other. In fact, in the past few months of our friendship, I have even seen a complete change in his behaviour towards me (he is teasing me!), but apparently he likes to take things slowly – plus he is very busy in his mission field (work, church, etc.). Well, the Lord knows whether our mission fields should blend some day. It’s according to HIS will and especially HIS timing. I’m so thankful that I’m still able to patiently wait and see what HE has in store for the two of us. And I’m indeed thankful for this community; it’s so uplifting to pray and fast together for the same desire!

  6. Gretchen says:

    Amen! So thankful for the reality that we are free from the court of public opinion (now to learn to live out of that reality…) I have a sort of horror of becoming bitter – thanks for sharing a bit of what the opposite looks like. Maybe you can write part 2 of this for your next post, since you had more to say 🙂

  7. andrea csia says:

    And free from self-condemnation and free from despair and free from self-pity….Love how He’s changing ME, on the inside (because I’m asking Him to). I don’t have a husband either way, so I want to live FREE and with contentment…cuz this is the only life I got and I would hate to waste it in bondage to my own disappointments…Woo-hoo! Felt God all over your post Anna!!!

    • fast. pray. says:

      🙂 I could have kept writing but I was already over 600 words. Haha. I wanted to go into the specifics of what it means for us to be free from a bunch of different things. Thanks for being here!

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