Is God Aware of Match.com?

[This is your reminder that we are fasting and praying during what would be lunch on Monday for three things:  courage for men to walk upright and into relationship, courage for us as women to see where we need to change and to change, and marriage for all those who are designed for it.]

So, here’s the question:  after one too many dateless Christmas parties or little old ladies at church not asking you if there’s anyone in your life because they don’t want to risk the awkward pause, have any of you signed up for match or e-harmony or some other computerized Yenta service?  I jumped back on post-Christmas just because hope springs—well, if not eternal in this arena—at least in fits and starts.

After seeing the variety of matches I received, however (honestly, I don’t know how the criteria I put in generates the matches that come my way), I began to ask God the proverbial, “Do you know what it’s like on the internet dance floor?”  And as I sat with that question for a while—talking to God and then talking and praying with some trusted friends (a great couple I know)—instead of the sense of the Lord saying, “Connally, I know, it’s unbelievable.  Girl, can you believe it?!  What the heck is going on?” a quiet stillness began to settle inside of me.  Slowly, I grew aware of this sense, as if God were speaking, “Connally, can you trust that I’m there—in the internet cloud and in the places where people post their pictures on their i-pads.  I’m real and at work everywhere.”

With that in mind, I began to reflect on the different men and groups of men I know:  random internet-dating guys who post tiny pictures of themselves skiing or faceless guys who have no picture.  I thought of the band of young guys at my church—a posse of sorts—all going up to take communion.  I pictured the assorted single guys whom I’ve known for a while:  we cross paths at parties, lectures, or a restaurant every now and then.

As I reflected I realized once again:  sometimes it might feel like a jungle out there, and of course we need to be savvy about who the lions are prowling around, but Jesus is still the King, even of the jungle.  He can give us the wisdom we need to navigate the posse of guys (if they are there), the sometimes mystifying e-matches, the tentative conversations and first dates (and 2nd and 3rd for that matter), and even the blank landscapes.  He is King and he is good and always at work—on the ground, or in the cloud, as it is in heaven.

So, wherever you are relative to the men in your life right now, as we kick back off this new year, know that our king is at work in you, in me, in our girlfriends, and in the guys whose calls we’ll take, the guys whose names we’ll delete from our in-boxes, the guys whose attention we hope for, the guys who confuse us (and who, in fairness, we confuse), and the guys we do not see.   As Paul emphasizes so well in Colossians, Jesus Christ–who made this whole earth–is holding all things together, including, those guys with tiny skiing pictures or no picture at all.  Including, even, you and me and our unfolding futures–now and into eternity.

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20 Responses to Is God Aware of Match.com?

  1. Noah says:

    Hi all,

    Just wondering what you all think about ‘Marriages Made in Heaven’ – the stories of people like Heidi Baker and Derek Prince to name a few, where God has supernaturally spoken to them about whom to marry…don’t you think that can happen to all of us? I do. I honestly see no need for internet dating, or dating of any sort for Christians (until it’s time to get to know ‘the one’)…everything else is just trying to do things in your own strength, which in turn leads to frustration etc. I believe that if we continue to seek God, obey him in all things, then He, in his own good time and probably in an awesome supernatural way, will lead you to the person you are to marry. Just Believe! and Wait 🙂 I often think that people who feel they have to do things to make it happen don’t really deep down inside trust God. Trust that He loves you so passionately and has the best person for you and trust that He cares enough to lead you to that person. Just my thoughts 🙂

  2. Ashley says:

    Thanks Connally for this post. I too am trying the online dating world, eHarmony, Match and MarryWell in hopes of meeting the man God has for me. It can be fun looking through tons of profiles and emailing guys in hopes they’ll return interest or better yet hearing from one! But oftentimes and here as if late I feel tired and maybe a bit overwhelmed at the prospect of finding the right one or even how is Gid going to work it all out. So thanks for painting a beautiful picture of the God who “holds it together” so that we don’t have to worry when things seem beyond our control or comprehension.

  3. wedtoanidea says:

    If you want to understand the process of Match.com. research Helen Fisher, there’s plenty of her videos online, but she explains in depth in the book “Why Him, Why Her?” I read the book when I was in high school, I regarded it for years how you appear to regard the bible. however here is my disclaimer. the personalities she speaks of, the so called neuro-chemical influences, are all present in all of us. So here is my personal advice to you as a Reverend, may the person you marry be your soul mate & I beg you keep in mind that it is a self fulfilling prophecy.

  4. Neelam says:

    Thanks for the post, Connally. Really needed it, as I, too, have been struggling with should I go back on?? Am not a big fan on Internet dating, mostly because, it has not yet panned out for me in my previous excursions there. But am wondering if I should give it another go. . . Thanks though Connally for voicing what we (I) feel. So appreciate you!!

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  6. Kristy Engel says:

    Connally, thank you for your honesty and willingness to share your doubts and questions. I resonated with you on this post as I feel in an almost impossible situation at times (overseas missionary…single…never married…no kids…just over 40) and wonder if the eharmony thing could work for even me. I also don’t get the matches that arrive sometimes! I want to encourage you to keep going (as do I) and know you are definitely not alone on your road!

    • fast. pray. says:

      I was smiling to myself, reading the “Is God Aware of Match.com” comments (and reflecting on the private responses I was given). I’ve had some interesting conversations with some of these guys since I posted this blog, and I’m more convinced than ever that God is at work, everywhere. For some people, these sites are a dead end from the get go–no interest. Well, no worries. For some, they dip their toes in with mixed results. And for a few others, they’ve actually met their husbands, directly or indirectly through other connections, through such sites. But across the board, I think the thing that I’d hope for all of us is this: that we wouldn’t fear. We wouldn’t be scared of God abandoning us when we, in good faith, make a decision (to do or not to do) such things. It is sort of a crazy world out there relationally (I don’t think it’s just me!), but it is NOT crazy to God. Jesus really did rise and ascend, and though his ways are mysterious (and frankly, sometimes including allowing for inexplicable pain), he is good and on the throne.

      All this to say, keep sending in your thoughts/comments!

      Blessings, Connally

  7. Margi Hammer says:

    Thanks for the responses. I guess it’s true that regular sites would have Christians and some things are obvious from your profile. Someone said sites are specific to places. Anything for Florence, Italy or Vancouver, Canada?

  8. miss says:

    God is definately everywhere. I can agree to that.

    Dating sites I’m not into. I don’t recommend them to anybody.

    That being said, I hope the Lord brings the right man to you.

    • Katy says:

      Just curious. Why so opposed to dating websites?

      And,are you opposed to blind dates, set ups, singles parties and mixers?

      • miss says:

        Dating websites are just a waste of time. In my humble opinion.

        It depends on who’s sending me on a blind date.

        Singles parties and mixers, I’ve never been to those, so I can’t say “yes” or “no” to that.

  9. Kristin says:

    Oh, timing is perfect as always. I got back on ChristianCafe for a trial free 5 days the other day. I’ve never enjoyed any of my times on these sites. It is probably because I just don’t give the guys a chance. Deep down I don’t want it to be my story. Pride, pure pride.
    Yesterday I received a message from a guy that said, “You are so cute! I just want to pinch your cheeks!” Really? Really?!?!?!? That’s your first line? It was so discouraging. The one bonus is that it made the other messages look amazing.
    So, here we go again….

  10. M.R. Berry says:

    Over the holidays I found myself having, what one of my friends has so perfectly coined as, a ‘mournful day.’ In what I felt was a really random, flailing, internet search, I ‘happened’ across the book ‘Revelations of a single Woman’ on Amazon, and consequently this blog. What a source of God-sent encouragement, particularly because in my own private time with God I had felt him speaking to me regarding my role as a woman and as a Biblical ‘helper’ to men, and how the related to prayer, men and the single girl. Ai ai ai Anyway, to find a blog where people are praying for men, as well as something so deep down in my heart I can hardly vocalize it at times (i.e. marriage) has been a thrilling, inspiring, and deeply validating discovery. Although not pertaining to internet dating directly, I do think it evidence to my heart that God is leading in the internet (even random flailing searches) just as all other places.
    Although this morning has brought it’s own string of confusion to my heart once more, what a needed reminder that ‘Jesus Christ–who made this whole earth–is holding all things together,’ thanks so much for posting this, and for this blog, and for the reminder and encouragement to take these deepest matters of the heart before the Lord in prayer.

  11. Gina says:

    I really, really needed that, Connally. Thank you!

  12. RLynn says:

    Margi-
    I am on Marry Well (started by Focus on the Family former staff, but not part of Focus on the Family) and Christian Care (which is endorsed by Focus on the Family). I loved this post, by the way; still wrestling with whether this a good way to meet husband material–you can certainly meet men this way, but as Connally said, the guys on the “dance floor” are an interesting cast of characters!

    • Katy says:

      I think the guys on any “dance floor” are an interesting cast of characters. My friends’ reservation (and mine too) about internet dating is that you have to wade through the wrong ones, the bad dates, etc to get to the good ones…I don’t know about y’alls overall dating experiances, but I feel as a whole, I have sorted through a lot of ‘wrong guys’ to get to the few ones that could have been/might be right for me. and I am sure plenty of guys would consider me a girl they had to sort through too!! Thats life though, a couple handfuls of dating opportunities and only a couple guys that could be right!! thats not specific to the internet.

      I just signed up mid december because my friends and I made a new years resolution (I’ve had a brief stint with internet dating before…) and was surprised to really hit it off with a great Christian guy who I am meeting this weekend. We got eachothers numbers and have been talking for a few weeks. This was perfectly timed because yesterday I was more worried that we would hit it off this weekend than that we wouldn’t…if we did want to keep seeing eachother, that would mean I met a great guy on the internet. (gasp) — that couldn’t be!! Then I read this post and remembered God is God of the internet too. Seriously, he can orchastrate two people bumping into eachother at a store or a woman happening to visit her friends’ Bible Study (how my mom met my dad), but he can’t orchestrate someone meeting via the internet?

      Things may not work out with this guy from the internet – or the next guy I meet at church, but thanks for the reminder that God is in control of those dates — and in control of how I meet those dates!! (sorry such a long post!)

  13. Margi Hammer says:

    In the book How to Find a Date Worth Keeping, Dr Henry Cloud talks about internet dating and suggests a Christian dating site: soulmatches beliefnet.com It doesn’t seem to be operating anymore.Does anyone know why or of another Christian site.
    Thanks,
    Margi

    • Katy says:

      How about Match or Eharmony — they have largest amounts of people (which is good for certain areas where there aren’t many people signed up – ie, smaller cities and towns) and you can search only Christians. Sure, you may meet a few people who aren’t as serious about their faith, but there are many believers on these sites!

    • Dawn says:

      Cache Connections is a Christian dating site with members primarily in Illinois/Indiana plus the Atlanta area. They offer discounts periodically, and they also coordinate some events in those areas where they have members. Marry Well is another site worth investigating.

  14. Laura says:

    Thanks 4 posting, I really needed this! I’m in “the bleak landscape” right now and am almost unable to hope much. It’s always reassuring to know that Jesus is in this WITH me and is supporting & guiding me thru it all. What a needed reminder!

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